The Pitch Sitch

The conference was so much more than I ever dreamed. So much more. I’m still swooning and high and drunk and giddy….maybe even orgasmic. It was THAT good.

As I’m sure you already know, one of Erma’s most famous quotes is:

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.

So every meal? Cake. Breakfast buffet? Coffee cake. Lunch? Who needs a a place card when there’s a piece of cake? Dinner? WINE AND CAKE.

I found a new happy place. In Dayton, OH. Who knew?

And the only thing better than the surplus of cake was the people. That place was dripping with camaraderie, support, and genuine best wishes. Being there made me truly feel like I could do anything.

ANYTHING.

Like pitch Lymphomania in sixty seconds and convince a panel of judges that it’s not just a cancer memoir. That it’s funny and honest and important. That humor is compassion and art heals. 

Turns out I was right. I CAN do anything. With a roomful of supportive women behind me, I am a fucking force of nature. Apparently.

*deep breath*

*pinches self*

I’m not entirely sure what all that means, but I’m eager to find out. And I’m sure I’ll share all the tawdry details here because obvs. In the meantime, here’s the pitch I wrote. Just in case you want to tell all your agent friends about it. And I’ve also included SassyPieHole‘s video of me delirious and cursing seconds after winning:

What started out as an article on re-losing my virginity after battling cancer evolved into an exploration of how my family tackles life and death. And liquor. My memoir, Lymphomania, is essentially a love letter to them and covers OUR journey through my diagnosis at 31, treatment, recovery, and the next traumatic growth in my body – a fetus.

I’m certainly not the first to take the “Fuck Cancer” approach, but I’m probably the first to do so with such a volume of vagina jokes. And between those jokes is my truth and heart. I spared no honesty in this story.

This book is not about making light of cancer – it’s about finding the light in cancer. I think there’s humor in everything: life, death, war, peace, midget ponies…and especially cancer. Fortunately for me, I’m surrounded by friends and family that subscribe to the same theory.

The latest stats say one out of three people will be diagnosed with cancer in our lifetimes. Seeing as how I’ve already knocked that hurdle out of the way, you should probably pick me to be in your group of three. Consider it my little thank you and a bribe to convince you to help my book find a home.

Was that good for you, too? Then click here and follow my Facebook page. Or even better, join the mailing list. Free pony with every subscription. Probably.

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